Marriage is not worth it. It’s not worth the financial sacrifices, the lost sexual opportunities, and the lack of freedom. All in all, it’s a ball and chain — of little benefit to any man interested in pursuing happiness and well-being. This is the view that we’ve encountered from many young men of late.Take Craig, a 29-year-old guy who saw online a lecture of Wilcox’s on marriage and men. In his words, “I would much rather buy a $75,000 condo by the beach in Florida working 10–20 hours a week with plenty of time and money to relax at the beach, sail, play golf and tennis as well as hang out with friends than marry a 30-year-old woman and take care of her into old age by working 50 hours a week at a job I don’t like.”Craig further stressed that he is in excellent physical condition because he isn’t tied down to a regular 9-to-5 job like most married men. “The fact is, my six-pack abs have gotten me far more sex with high-quality women in their prime than a man’s six-figure income ever will. The sex is passionate and did not require begging like married men often have to do, as the women are physically attracted to me rather then just interested in my ability to provide.”Let’s call him six-pack Craig. His bill of particulars with marriage is long and hyperbolic. But he does a good job of expressing a view that is increasingly popular among a growing number of men: Marriage is of little benefit to the average guy, especially the kind of guy who lives for the hedonistic moment. Indeed, the increased popularity of views like this are probably one reason why the share of young men (aged 20–39) has fallen in recent years, as the figure below indicates.Worth the Sacrifice Six-pack Craig is right about one thing: There is no doubt that marriage requires sacrifices, and lots of them. Successful marriages require men to work harder, avoid cheating, spend less time with friends, and make a good-faith effort, day in and day out, to be emotionally present with their spouses. Many men find these sacrifices hard.But it turns out that the sacrifices pay for themselves and more. Contrary to the view that marriage is just a ball and chain for guys, the benefits are substantial. Marriage offers substantial returns on men’s investments in money, sex, and health.More MoneyFirst, let’s consider money. Marriage has a transformative effect on men’s finances. After marrying, men typically work harder, smarter, and more successfully. They are less likely to be fired. And they make about $16,000 more than their single peers with otherwise similar backgrounds. In general, marriage seems to increase the earning power of men on the order of 10 to 24 percent.This is what scholars call men’s “marriage premium.”Research suggests that men who get and stay married live almost ten years longer than their unmarried peers.Now, it’s true that some of the fruit of a married man’s labors goes to his spouse and children. But by the time they reach retirement, men who get and stay married are in much better financial shape than their peers who divorced or never married. Partly because they earn more and save more and generally spend many years in a dual-income family, stably married men have much greater wealth than their unmarried peers. In fact, the typical 50-something married guy has three times the assets of his unmarried peer, about $167,000 to $49,000.Our first response to the six-pack Craigs of the world is this: In monetary terms alone, the financial return on marriage’s investments is substantial.Better SexSure, money matters, but for many men, sex matters more. Does married sex measure up, or is it as listless and infrequent as some single men seem to think?When it comes to frequency, men who cohabit do have an advantage. According to the General Social Survey, 52 percent of cohabiting young men (20–39) have sex at least twice a week, compared to 42 percent of married men. But single men have the least sex, with only 37 percent of single guys in their twenties and thirties having that much sex.On average, the quality of married sex trumps that of unmarried sex.On average, the quality of married sex trumps that of unmarried sex. In the National Health and Social Life Survey, 51 percent of married men reported that they were extremely emotionally satisfied with sex, compared with 39 percent of cohabiting men and 36 percent of single men. Married men also found sex more physically pleasurable than men in unmarried relationships. These findings run counter to just about every movie, sitcom, and music video we’ve seen.What’s going on here? We think guys benefit from the sexual investments that marriage encourages on the part of both parties. As one middle-aged spouse told researchers: “I think for sex you need more time, time to get in sync, time to know your partner, time to get to know what the other person likes or doesn’t like.”Contrary to the stereotype of married men begging their wives for sex, what we see in the real world is that good
Source: Marriage Benefits: Men, Take Note | National Review
